I stumbled upon Susan Spencer-Wendel’s memoir “Until I Say Goodbye” while browsing new bestsellers on my iPad, to see if there was something to tide me over until my next book club gathering. When I read the overview, I felt like I had to download a sample. I’ve had an indirect connection with ALS for sometime (a distant relative died from the disease before I was born as did the father of a very dear friend). More importantly, I felt an instant connection with the author for other reasons: she’s a working mother in her 40s, a lover of travel and a loyal friend. The disease she faces gives her a new lens on a life that is not entirely different from my own. Before I finished the sample, I knew I was committed.
I learned so much from her beautifully crafted words. She chooses joie de vivre over despair in the face of what is arguably the most horrific medical diagnosis a woman in the prime of her life could receive. She makes difficult, yet admirable choices about how to live her last year of relatively decent health. I’m not sure I could leave my children to explore my heritage or parts of the world I’d not yet seen, knowing the end is coming and my choice is accelerating the process. Bold.
On the flip side, her decision to live her life with joy and chronicle that journey has made her hours of solitude more peaceful. There’s only so much participating she can do with three active children and a husband chasing them around. The book gave her a sense of purpose. And Steve Jobs gave her an iPhone to create it with the only digit she could still use: her thumb.
This memoir is not about sadness and loss. It’s not about being sick. It’s about living. It’s about choices. Those lessons will stay with me forever.